


The Most Beautiful Thing

by SydWritesStories



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, I think they're like in middle school or so here, Questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 19:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17473586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SydWritesStories/pseuds/SydWritesStories
Summary: Alice never understood what her friends were talking about when it came to guys. Maybe she was missing something, but whenever they ended up talking about finding boys cute, she just… couldn’t find anything to add. It was probably the guys at her school. They were all so immature, it was perfectly reasonable not to have an inch of attraction towards them. Or maybe she was just a late bloomer. That was something she said quite often, mostly as an excuse no one had asked for. No one had ever asked for any justification, but surely, since she had nothing else to add, she might as well have added that, right?---Alice questions her sexuality.





	The Most Beautiful Thing

Alice had been at a sleepover. She had been sitting in some circle with a few of her friends, playing truth or dare. They were all tired, with the hour being so late, but they were the kind of tired that gives you energy. The kind of tired that made you want to yell or jump or do anything, no matter what the consequences. They spoke in hushed voices, the clock on the nightstand blinking bright and reminding them how late it was. It was fun to Alice, at the time. It gave a kind of thrill. Just the concept of keeping a secret.

 

One girl—Payton, she thought her name was—gave a small smile before turning to her. “Alice.” she said “Truth or dare.”

 

She thought about it for a moment. She didn’t trust her friends not to do something horrible for a dare. “Truth.”

 

“Alright…” Payton tried to think of a question to ask her. “Oh! Do you like any  _ boys? _ ” 

 

Alice didn’t answer, which her friends had taken as a yes, she supposed, as they were quietly squealing soon after. Though, that assumption wasn’t quite true. More accurately, it wasn’t true at all.

 

Alice never understood what her friends were talking about when it came to guys. Maybe she was missing something, but whenever they ended up talking about finding boys cute, she just… couldn’t find anything to add. It was probably the guys at her school. They were all so immature, it was perfectly reasonable not to have an inch of attraction towards them. Or maybe she was just a late bloomer. That was something she said quite often, mostly as an excuse no one had asked for. No one had ever asked for any justification, but surely, since she had nothing else to add, she might as well have added that, right?

 

She had a few things to offer to the conversations. Jokes about her friends being boy crazy, mostly. A few times, she’d mentioned the story of that one guy she went on a date with a few years back, or that one boy who probably liked her. She can’t say either of those were particularly pleasant experiences, no, but they were there. They had to count for something, or else she had nothing to count at all. Once she told those stories so many times that she’d run out of ways to tell them, she stopped participating as much. Rather, she just played on her phone, or maybe listened in and tried to conjure up some idea of what they saw in these guys.

  
She focused on fingers snapping in her face. “Alice? Alice! Hey! You never answered our question!”

She blinked confusedly for a moment. “Oh, um, nothing. I don’t like any guys, I mean.”   
  


“You’re sure?”   
  
“Pretty sure, yeah.” She cut off whatever they were about to say next, immediately looking to someone else. “Truth or dare.”   
  
She finished her part, leaning back against the carpet. The clock still blinked, the door shut tight to make sure no one could hear them. The light was still on, and Alice found herself staring at it as her friends talked in the background.

 

She was just a late bloomer. That was all.

 

—————

 

She never really understood why she got so defensive whenever someone asked her if she had a boyfriend either. She knew that whoever was asking didn’t mean any harm, really. And yet, any time it was brought up, she had every excuse in the book.

 

The last time it had happened, she had been with her mom in the car, sitting in traffic as they were driving home from school. They had been in silence for a while, her mom driving while Alice halfheartedly looked out the window. She turned to look at her mom only when she started talking.   
  
“So, do you like any boys at school?”   
  
“No.”   
  


“Not at all? Oh, what about that one boy, what’s his name…. Danny? You hang out with him a lot.”

 

“He’s not my type.”

 

“What  _ is  _ your type?”   
  
“I don’t know, just that he isn’t it, I guess.”   
  
She dropped the subject. Alice returned back to looking out the window, occasionally fidgeting with a strap on her backpack. There was a short conversation of small talk, but mostly the ride passed by in relative silence. She got out the moment they parked the car.

 

—————

 

Girls were really, really pretty. It wasn't something that Alice had thought much about, at least at first. It just  _ was.  _ There was no competition in her eyes. Girls were prettier than guys, and that was an objective, unarguable fact. 

 

She never thought to question it, especially since for a long time, it didn't affect her too much. She could look at girls from afar, talk to them normally, and they would be none the wiser. She wasn't hurting anybody, herself included.

 

Danny had invited her to hang out with him and a few of his friends from some club-class-activity thing. She wasn’t quite sure. Still, he had invited her, and it wasn’t like she had much else to do. Plus, they were hiding out in the high school auditorium, and he had offered to give her a ride there. So, she went.

 

She had climbed into the back of Danny’s mom’s minivan, digging homework out from her bag and trying to finish some of it before they got to the high school. After failing to work a problem for the thousandth time, she erased it again and starred it before putting the paper down. She turned to Danny, who was typing on his phone faster than he reasonably should be able to. “So, who are these people we’re meeting anyway?”

 

Danny finishes typing whatever it was that he was, and looks up from his phone. “We’re meeting Riley and Deb.”

 

She racks through her brain to try and find some memory of those kids. “They go to Hatchetfield, right?”

 

“Yeah. You just might not have met them because they tend to stick to themselves.”

 

“And you know them… how, exactly?”

 

“We’re doing some project together.”   
  
Alice fakes surprise. “You? Actually doing work for a class?”   
  
Danny gives a short, obviously fake laugh in return. “Nope. They sit around me and we came up with some idea that we’re working on.”   
  
“In the high school auditorium.”   
  
“Yeah.”

 

Alice didn’t question it. She simply tried to do the next question on her homework, and worked on it until she heard Danny’s mom say “Alright! We’re here!” from the front seat and she gathered all of her stuff up climbed back over the seats the get out the door. They said goodbye to his mom, and started out towards the auditorium.

 

“How do you know it’s going to be open?”   
  
“We don’t.”   
  
She frowned, a questioning glare shooting his way, but like before, she didn’t question it. They entered the auditorium, where one of the girls that was coming sat on the stage. She held a large plastic bag, and upon seeing them, proceeded to dump all of the contents of such onto the stage. “Hey.”

 

Danny jumped onto the stage from the front, whereas Alice walked around to enter from the stairs. She heard him talking when she got there. “So, Riley, you have everything you said you’d bring?”

 

“Yeah. Did you?” He nodded, and she waved for him to bring the supplies to where they were working. “When Deb gets here, we can start, because she has the rest of the stuff, and the plan. Why does she have it again?”   
  


“Because we’re barely into the school year and we’ve both lost all of our stuff and she hasn’t, somehow.”

  
Riley nodded. “That’s right. So she gets here, with her stuff and the plans we trusted her with, and we can get to work.” She turns, acting as if she had just noticed Alice. She looked between the two a few times before looking at Danny with pure confusion on her face. “Who’s that?” She whispered, though it was loud enough that Alice could hear. 

 

“That’s Alice. I invited her because she’s also kinda good at making plans too.”

 

Alice gave a small, awkward wave. “Hi. Do you mind telling me what we’re working on, or is that something that’s  _ confidential _ ” She made a ninja like motion on the last word, and after not getting a reaction, she sat back down and scooted away from the two.

 

After a moment of thick silence, Danny spoke again. “The project we’re doing is-”

 

The door opened at the edge of the auditorium, and in walked who Alice could only assume was Deb. She had a sweatshirt and a beanie, both of which were obviously too big. She carried a bag in one hand, and a rolled up paper in the other, jumping onto the front of the stage and dumping out the supplies just as Riley had before.

  
All Alice was learning so far was that Danny’s friends had a flair for the dramatic. Deb started to spread out the plans, discussing something that Alice couldn’t quite make out before sitting down to join them. She didn’t want to ask about what they were doing again, so she tried to look at the plans as stealthily as she could, though she guessed she had failed, as the next thing she knew Deb was tapping on her shoulder. “Hello?”

 

Alice turned to look at her, now being close enough to see her face better. “Oh, um. Hey,” She said, immediately moving to get back to where she was sitting. She picked up a few of the supplies sitting on the ground, studying them intently to avoid looking up at the group. She could hear them resume talking around her, and after she’d gotten over the incident with the plans and Deb, she put down the supplies and joined in as well.

 

They worked for a while, talking about the project some of the time and talking about whatever else for most of it. The time seemed to zoom by, chatting and laughing and maybe making progress on the project. Whenever Alice checked her phone, she found a text from her mom asking her when to pick her up. She responded quickly, putting her phone back in her pocket.    
  
“I have to go. My mom’s picking me up in about 10 minutes, and I need to start picking up my stuff. Bye.” She stood up, and Danny and Riley continued to work without much interruption. Deb, however, stood up as well, looking anywhere but at Alice when she spoke.

 

“Before you leave, could I, um… have your number? To tell you when we’re working on this, you know.” She had closed into herself, and was looking firmly at the ground. 

 

Both of them knew that Danny could contact her about meetings just fine, but neither of them wanted to bring it up. Instead, Alice smiled, small and genuine. “Of course.”   
  


Deb looked up at her, finally, and smiled as well. They exchanged numbers and Alice finished packing up her stuff before starting to go outside. She looked back at the stage before she left the room. Deb had gone back to working on the project, and Alice watched as she joked and laughed around with Danny and Riley, face lighting up as she worked. It made Alice happy.

 

She was still thinking about it when she got to the car.

 

—————

 

Alice had a boyfriend, at some point. Back towards the beginning of middle school, she had “dated” some kid who’d asked her out, for a few weeks, maybe. It didn’t last long, and Alice couldn’t say that it was an especially remarkable experience.

 

She’d enjoyed showing off the idea that she had a boyfriend more than, well, actually having a boyfriend. She might not have liked the guy, per se, but he liked her. And that was enough, right? Besides, they were friends. She enjoyed his company. Why else would she have dated him?   
  


There wasn’t much difference between them dating and just being friends, to be fair. She knew a few of her friends that had gotten boyfriends and maybe had been closer to them. They would hold their hands in the halls or maybe kiss them on the cheek or something. It was nothing major, and yet, Alice found herself avoiding any mention of it with him. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him. He was her boyfriend, of course she liked him! It must’ve been something with her. Maybe she just didn’t like being touched. That was reasonable, she assumed. 

 

They had broken up after a few weeks, and, as she noticed, nothing had changed.

 

Alice continued to text Deb after that afternoon working in the auditorium, as well as inviting her over to come sit with her and her friends at lunch. She’d sat with her, though her friends didn’t especially talk to her that much, more so staying in their own conversations. Alice talked to her—mostly her— throughout lunch. They discussed whatever the conversation led them to, from music to clubs to families and anything. It didn’t matter  what they were talking about, really. They were always talking, not a lull for the entire time. They simply seemed to click together.

 

Alice enjoyed talking to her. She wanted to get to know Deb more. She wanted to be around her for as long as she could. She texted her almost every day now, talking until one of them had to go and do something.

 

The next time a meeting had been scheduled, it wasn’t to work on the project, at least not mainly. Instead, Deb had created a group chat with her, Alice, Danny, and Riley, simply asking if they wanted to come over to see a movie at some point. They had all agreed, and after some discussion, they decided that they would come over on that Friday night. 

 

When the day came around, Alice packed up her things to go over. They might have been sleeping over, and so she made sure to be prepared. She was excited, though maybe too much so. It was a thought that crossed her head shortly, and she pushed it out of her mind immediately. 

 

She put her stuff in the back of her dad’s car, getting into the front seat and texting that she’d be there soon as her dad started the car up. They’d talked while they drove, mostly about who would be there and such. She promised she’d text him when she needed to be picked up, and to behave for Deb’s parents. When they got there, she went inside and started talking to Deb, who showed her where to put her things, while her dad talked to her parents.

 

She set up her things, sitting on the bed as she watched Deb try and find everything to get ready for the movie. She had laid back on the bed, staying there as Danny and Riley came in and set up their things as well.

 

“What movie are we watching anyway?” Danny asked, sitting on the ground with something in his hand that Alice couldn’t quite make out from where she was sitting.

 

Deb rummaged around in some basket on her floor. “In a minute, just let me find it.” She stood up, box in hand, turning around to where the rest of them were sitting. She raised her eyebrows at what Danny was holding. “Why do you have a deck of cards?”   
  
“I wanted to have it in case we need something to do other than the movie. It’s called being prepared, Deb.”

 

Deb pretended to be angry at him, before turning around and opening the box she was holding. It was obviously a movie box, but the cover art of it had long since been taken out, leaving only the white base and the disc inside of it. 

 

“So what movie is this? You never told us.” Riley said, grabbing her hand of cards, which Danny was already dealing out.

 

Deb took the disc out of the box and put it into the player, sitting down with Alice on the bed. “No idea. I just found some movie that was in there and put it in. Think of it as movie roulette.” 

 

They settled in, waiting as the movie started up. The opening screen came up, and Deb started to reach to start playing the movie, Danny’s voice rang across the room.

 

“Why do you have a veggietales DVD?”

 

Deb didn’t answer. Instead, with a smug smile, she looked at Danny while she pressed play on the movie. Everyone got settled in once again, only interrupted by Riley getting up and leaving the room, mumbling something about “If I’m going to watch this, I’m at least getting your good popcorn.”

 

It was fun to watch and laugh at. There were a few songs that Alice recognized from having seen the episodes as a kid. As the night went on, she sang them with less and less restraint. Deb smiled at her, soft and tired, laying back in the bed. They each fell asleep before the movie was done, and Alice intended to go back to where her sleeping bag was on the floor. And yet, it seemed so much nicer just to lay down where she was, getting as close as she could to the girl next to her.

 

She only considered the she might have liked Deb when she woke up the next morning right next to her. 

 

—————

 

With this new revelation came… questions. Questions and doubt, mostly. It occupied at least half of her thoughts over that weekend, and she’s be lying if she said it stopped after that. She didn’t really have anyone to ask about it. She couldn’t think of anyone she knew that knew about this kind of stuff. And so, she went to the internet for help.

 

It took some searching before she found something that actually helped at all. Most of what she found were quizzes or questionnaires that flat out asked if she was attracted to women, which was kinda what she was trying to figure out.    
  


She found something after a half hour or so of looking. A list of experiences of such that are common to lesbians. She wasn’t quite sure how she got there in the first place, but some part of her still clicked on the link as she hid further under her bedspread.

 

She read through the list, mentally checking off all of the ones she connected to. By the time she reached the end, she had convinced herself that this was true. Or maybe, just convinced herself to stop denying that there was  _ something _ there. She still refused to say it out loud, somewhat out of a fear for bringing it into reality. But the idea had planted its seed, and it had stayed on her mind for a while afterwards.

 

It fit. Most definitely it did. She had lined up with more of the descriptions than she cared to admit, and the term seemed to be placed right for her. Yet, she didn’t really want to think about it much longer. Besides, it wasn’t like it mattered right now, right? What did it matter unless she got a girlfriend?

 

Deb came to mind. She was the one who made her think about this, at least as seriously as she had been. And while the concept of a girlfriend was new and passing, Deb…

 

Well, Alice wouldn’t  _ mind  _ having Deb as a girlfriend. 

 

Then again, there was the question of whether Deb liked her. What if she didn’t? What if Alice tried to make a move or ask her out or anything like what happened on Friday night? What if Deb found out she liked her? What if she hated her for it?

 

Alright. So, for the time being, no telling Deb. No telling anyone until she had to. That seemed like a good idea, right? Don’t tell anyone until she had to. Don’t commit to any idea before you’re  _ sure. _ It was a perfect plan.

 

Now, Alice just had to stick to it.

 

—————

 

Deb had moved back to where she had normally sat with Danny and Riley, and after a day or two, Alice joined them. They had talked like they normally had, at movie night and when they met to work on the project, but something about it felt  _ off  _ to Alice. Specifically with Deb. She felt like she was hiding something, almost.   
  


Alice didn’t like lying to people. Call her a goody-two-shoes, but even a little white lie left her feeling guilty. She was the kind who couldn’t steal a pen from a front desk without running back in apologizing two minutes later. She didn’t like lying. 

 

She wasn’t necessarily lying to Deb. Not exactly. She wasn’t mentioning everything, but she didn’t ask, so therefore it wouldn’t be lying to ‘accidentally’ leave this out of the conversation. Right? She didn’t want the answer.

 

The more she had thought about it, the more everything fell into place. The sleepovers, the boyfriend, the movie night,  _ Deb.  _ It made sense, every experience she had brushed off now having a reason that fit oh so well. Still, she didn’t quite want to tell anyone yet, because what if she told someone, and they hated her for it, and it was all for nothing because she ended up being straight? What if she adopted this identity and ended up being wrong?

 

What if she ended up being right?

 

In all honesty, there was a part of her that wanted to tell someone,  _ anyone,  _ just to get it off her chest. She wanted to be free from thinking about it alone. If she told someone who knew about this stuff, maybe they could help her figure it out. 

 

The meetings for the project became somewhat regular occurrences, though the project itself wasn’t worked on much. The next time they hung out, they had gone bowling. Danny’s mom was driving them there in her minivan, as they talked in the back. The conversation had ended up drifting to dating and old partners. Alice remained silent for most of it, occasionally adding in a small comment, but never contributing her own story. She didn’t have many, and at this point, even those weren’t stories she wanted to share. 

 

It had come around to Deb’s turn, and she started talking of a first date she had gone on. Alice had tuned out for a while, though at some point, started listening again. She was glad she did, as after a few seconds, Deb had said something along the lines of ‘my old girlfriend’, and Alice had immediately gained interest. Finding regret before she even spoke, she said quietly. “Girlfriend as in…” she paused, choosing the safer option. “Friend that’s a girl?”

 

Deb laughed, and Alice found herself absolutely charmed again. “Nope. Girlfriend as in gay, Alice.”

 

She continued telling her story, though Alice found herself tuning out again. Now, though, instead of the worried buzzing that had occupied her thoughts for a good while, there was some kind of… happiness, almost. Hope or connection or something like that. As the conversation shifted away from dating, Alice joined in more. 

 

It didn’t take long before they were at the bowling alley, getting their shoes and setting up. They had taken their spot at one of the alleys, ordering some drinks and starting.  Riley had gone up first, almost throwing the ball and watching it bounce down the alley and hit down 6 of the pins. 

 

“Look at that!  _ Look at that! _ ” she cheered, jumping into Danny’s face as she celebrated. He let it go on for a moment before looking down at her where she stood.

 

“Hey, uh, Riley? You still have to roll again, and the rest of us are waiting.”   
  


She turned back around to see the board behind her, still lit up on her name. Her ball had returned, to which the grabbed with a disgruntled stare back at Danny. She rolled it again, the same way she had before. It bounced down, only knocking down a few pins.  She sat down as Danny laughed and started going up for his turn. Alice could hear them both talking as he went, and Deb talking to someone. Maybe it was her that she was talking to. It probably was. 

 

Danny had finished his turn, having gotten 9 of the bins (“Beat that, Riley!” he’d said), and Alice watched as the board switched to her turn. She walked up, bowling her turn the best she could. Even with the bumpers on, she couldn’t quite get all 10, but that was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

 

She finished her turn, moving to leave the alley they were staying at. She heard someone ask where she was going, only for her to mutter quickly that she was going to the bathroom. It was believable enough, she supposed, as no one asked any more questions. They just said to be back by her next turn.

 

She did go to the bathroom, technically. She entered a stall, locking the door and sitting down, taking her phone from where it sat. Opening her text conversation with Deb, she typed a message. It sat there for a while, just waiting, being considered. She deleted the message. She typed it again. Stared at it for a while. Deleted it. Retyped it. Stared at it. She started to move to delete it again before stopping herself. 

 

She wanted to do this. She did, really. She knew Deb had a girlfriend before, so she knew that she probably understood and could help her. She wanted to stop lying to Deb, let it be out there and in the open, with her at the very least.    
  
Still, all of this didn’t stop it from being absolutely terrifying. She deleted that message, and typed her very last one, sending it with shaking hands.

 

_ I think I might be a lesbian _

 

Her heart beat in her chest, as she sat back and thought about all the worst possible solutions that could come out of sending that. The thoughts from before came springing back into her head. Regret hit her hard and fast, staring at the screen, scared to her core, waiting for the response to come in. It hadn’t been long, maybe a minute at most, but it seemed like an eternity to Alice.

 

She jumped at her text tone, seeing an answer pop up into the chat.

 

_ cool cool _

 

_ now come on its your turn  _

 

Alice smiled at the messages. Genuine, ear to ear smile that she couldn’t help but make. Her fear disappeared, leaving in its place a warm, happy feeling. Deb had heard that. She accepted it and moved it. It was more than Alice could have hoped for. 

 

She looked at the texts again. Putting her phone in her pocket, she left and started to walk back to the alley.

 

She felt the happiest she had been in a while.

 

—————

 

Alice had told Deb about that. It was out in the open, free and no longer trapping Alice to herself. It felt wonderful, and exhilarating, and for a while, it got rid of that pesky liar’s guilt. For a while, everything felt perfect. And then, every so often, Deb would do something that just made Alice fall apart again, and she’d be reminded of what else she still had to reveal. 

 

It was something that, hypothetically, should’ve been easier. The hard part should have been good and done, never to be touched with her again. That’s what she would have hoped, even if she didn’t necessarily believe it. But telling her that she liked her… it was so much more personal. It was something scary and exciting and something that she can’t go back from, for better or for worse.

 

It had taken her a week or two to convince herself that it was even worth it to try. If she asked her out, and she said no, would that possibility even make it worth asking in the first place? It took her a week or two to convince herself that it was, and even then, she wasn’t so sure. 

 

She had texted her to meet her in the high school auditorium. She claimed something like “working on a part of the project that Riley and Danny didn’t want to do”, though she wasn’t sure if Deb would have come without a justification. She had her dad drive her to the high school after school, citing the same explanation to him as she had to Deb. She confirmed when she was being picked up, grabbed her stuff, and ran inside.

 

She set her stuff down in one of the seats, going around to the steps to get to the part of the stage where they had worked on the project. She paced around mostly, occasionally playing something on her phone or checking her texts to see if she would be there soon.

After 15 minutes or so of being there, she checked her phone to see a text from Deb saying she’d be there soon. From experience, that tended to mean within the next 2 minutes, so she stopped pacing and sat down on the stage.

 

Alice wasn’t quite sure how long it’d been, but at some point, Deb came bursting through the doors at the edge of the auditorium, walking down the aisle and jumping onto the front of the stage. “Hey. Where’s the project?” she said, looking around.

 

“Right. It’s, um, not here. I told you that because I wanted you to come. Sorry” she said. She had started fidgeting with her hands as she spoke, staring more at the stage than actually at Deb.   
  
“So why’d you want me to come?”   
  


Alice was silent for a good few seconds, trying to think of the words to express it and coming up painfully short. She decided at some point that she’d been sitting for too long, and just started speaking. “Oh, I brought you here because I, um, kinda sorta maybe like you?”

 

She immediately retracted into herself, almost as if bracing for the impact of an explosion that never hit. She opened her eyes after she got no response, only to find Deb looking down, a slight blush on her face.

 

“That’s good. That’s good because I… kinda sorta maybe like you too.”

 

Alice smiled. “I’m glad.” She sat there, thinking about this before Deb spoke again.

 

“So, what does this make us?”   
  
Alice thought about it for a moment. “I’m not sure.”

 

There was a long silence, long and slightly awkward but now lived in, a new addition to the silence. They sat, looking at the stage, looking around. Sometimes one would look at the other, and would immediately look somewhere else when the other one looked back at them. They fidgeted, moving where they sat on the stage and ending up closer and closer. Alice felt something touch her arm, and when she looked down at it, she found that Deb was holding her hand. She made no move to get away.

 

“For now, we’re just us.”

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a projection fic and me just wanting to put my experiences and thoughts and such onto Alice, and then at some point I stopped making it my story and started making it more hers and whoops it's 5000 words. I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Title vaguely from Falsettos, The Miracle of Judaism. "I think girls are, I think girls are the most. Beautiful thing, not love"


End file.
